Comfy Sofa

I can sleep practically anywhere at anytime if I'm tired. On the METRO? Done. On my sofa and/or love seat? Heck yeah. There are times when I will bring my pillow and a blanket from my room, curl up in front of the TV fully intending on falling asleep there while the DVD repeats the intro page of the movie. This past weekend weekend was just one of those weekends. On Friday I was watching some shows I had DVRed the past few weeks and could barely keep my eyes open past 9pm. I got a ride home from work up in Gaithersburg so I missed my usual 30min evening nap on the METRO and I was really feeling it on Friday. I somewhat remember a conversation with my sister knowing as soon as the words came out of my mouth it wasn't the answer to her question. Next thing I knew it was 4:30am, TV infomercials were in full force and I was curled up on my side on the sofa. I eventually dragged myself up to bed but those first 7hrs were bliss. In the morning Jen repeated some of the strange things I said (I do talk in my sleep) including something like 'I just love riding on the METRO'. See....that's what happens when I miss my commuting nap!
Saturday night wasn't much different. I had a good DVD, a full bottle of white wine, my comfy clothes, blankets and the sofa to myself. Sure enough around 11:20pm the lids were getting heavy and I was about to call it a night, then woke again around 3am to get back in my own bed.

Recently though I've been thinking of finding the comfort of another sofa---a therapist. I've thought of this since around early April then again these past few months. I changed jobs in March hoping I would be trading stress levels as well but that hasn't been the case 100%. The stress is still there but on a different level, and I think about work all the time gives me anxiety. It's not just about work either --I haven't been happy with myself for quiet some time either especially this year. Yes I did decide to take this year off from triathlons but I thought 2007 would be the year of the ultra trail runs for me. Well it was a little bit the beginning of the year but the thrill is all gone. The excitement is gone and the lost muscle and extra weight is still there plus some.
I'm also closing my heart and keeping people out. A dear friend of mine moved this past weekend and came by to say goodbye. We sat on my sofa cuddling and I was crying----crying!---thinking about, and knowing, he's leaving. I can tell him I love him which I have done. I told him he means so much to me, but sitting there on my sofa together I could not respond when he asked me to tell him how I feel about him. I know it's there, I really do, but why can't I get it to come out of my mouth (more than 3 words) and not my tear ducts? I let the stress of work ball up inside of me on my METRO ride to work at 5:30am when I leave at the butt crack of dawn to get there early in attempts to catch up.
The thing is I'm never catching up. I'm either staying the same or falling backwards. Can a shrink really get me to turn and move forward? I wonder if the sofa would be as comfy as mine.


Just cuz it's on now and I like it: Light and Day/Reach for the Sun